2009-08-21
The Upside To Negativity
Written by: Carrie Ann Moten
Soo...I'm sitting here in my daughter's TV Room... Just decided I needed to type in a different environment and Alexia (my oldest daughter) is the QUEEN of creating very calming, relaxing and safe areas within her little world... I'm not sure if its the fact that her blankets and pillows all smell like her ( I love the way her skin smells, I tend to go in her room while she's asleep and just take a whiff for serenity's sake) or the fact that she has this impeccable sense of coordination and flow when it comes to interior design.. She always has... She can move a couple throw pillows around and bring in a different lamp from another room, and BOOM, a room goes from relaxing to reinvigorating in minutes...
Either way, I'm nestled away in her space and I wish I could stay here all day... But I cannot... I've cocooned long enough... I'm thinking it's time to get back out there and make some noise...
See, God (who I really refer to as Heavenly Father, so we will cut it short with HF) plays this funny game with me... He shows me glimpses of my path, sometimes in dreams, sometimes while I'm driving... Either way, he shows me exactly what I need to be doing to get where I need to get.... And I brush him off... Partly out of fear, which creates laziness and complacency... Then, when HF gets really annoyed with me for not acting on my glimpses, he sends in "The Haters"....
I'm 32 years old now... But in my 20's, I was alllllll about a throw down with "The Haters"... I'd fight and battle till my head felt light... I'd go out of my way to prove things that I didn't even really care about, just for "The Haters"... And then, I ran right into my 30's and realized how exhausted I was... And how little I'd actually gone on my own path...
So, at 32 year old... I've learned what it truly means to Love Your Haters... And I do... Cause the only thing "Your Haters" are... Is a reflection of that doubtful, insecure part of yourself... Think about it, you wouldn't pay attention to what people say if it didn't (wrong or right) ring true with the minset you have at the time... That part you try your hardest to hide from the world and fortify with flashy cars, fancy houses, high profile friends and a cushy "successful" job...
I've been very blessed in that regard because I have an OUTSTANDING network of friends and family that have kept me WHO I AM... And thats a hard thing in this industry... You can lose yourself to the image you attempt to create very easily... I did just that, for a very a long time... Until I snapped...
See, you look at me, or hear my voice, or read my blogs over the past 7 years... And YOU think YOU know ME... And to be honest with you... You do, but only to a certain degree... Only as much as I've allowed you to... I'm very gifted at relating to people, which is a good thing... The bad part is, it blurs the line for some folks... They tend to judge me based on the picture I've painted for them... And rightfully so... BUT you aren't the people over at my house for Sunday Dinner... Or on the phone with me at Midnight, walking me through another meltdown... Or hanging out in my kitchen for my kids Bday parties... So, you don't really know me... And TRUST one thing for certain, speaking from The Inside... I'm the happiest I've ever been... A lil bit lost BUT its a good feeling cause I'm ready for the challenge... my soul is smiling, thats how happy I am!
Also, know this: I am human... I spent a really long time NOT being true to myself BUT it looked like "Success" on the outside, so I stuck with it... It wasn't the right thing to do... So I went back to the last place I felt right and I'm starting again from there... You can look at it as a demotion if you want... You can think I'm faking "Happiness" if you please... But one thing you cannot deny is the fact that I have the balls to chase what matters most to me... MY PURPOSE... Sorry if you look at me now and see me as a shell of what I once was... I'm pretty certain you're not one of those folks on the phone with me at Midnight who knows the truth...
I've never IN MY LIFE had just one job... I've never taken more than 2 weeks off between jobs IN MY LIFE... I've worked since I was 15 years old... 3 jobs, 3 kids and the weight of the world on my shoulders... I desperately needed to SLOW DOWN... I kept adding more and more to my plate, just to distract from the simple truth that I wasn't part of something I was proud of anymore, I wasn't being true to myself, I wasn't being treated with respect, I wasn't valued... And everyday I accepted that, I died a little bit more...
So, I stopped... 3 kids, 2 house payments, car payments all the whole 9 yards... I did the one thing that I needed to do many years ago... I took FULL STOCK of my worth, and I stood up for myself... Radio isn't the only thing I walked away from... I let a couple friends go too... I had a Yard Sale and got rid of all the crap I thought "looked" good in my world... I got back to what matters... MY PURPOSE...
Yep, sit back, read my blogs and judge all you want... While you are using my life as a distraction from your own... I'll be embracing the upside to negativity - Which is just the fire I needed lit under my behind...
I've learned a couple really cool things in the past couple of years...
1. Don't let your detractors become your distracters... Haters are actually your biggest fans, they just don't understand you so they jump to judge you...
2. People who are hurt, hurt people... ANYONE negative in your life... Is only giving you a small glimpse of what lies inside THEMSELVES... A rotten nasty apple cannot come from a beautiful, healthy tree... Just like a shiny, tasty apple cannot come from a dying and poisoned tree... Ya dig? Good manifests Good and Bad manifests Bad!
Lastly, I understand people's questions... I know from the outside my actions may not make sense... Quitting at something that looks like its winning can seem crazy.... From The Outside...
If you just read all my words, you know how little The Outside really matters to me these days....
Have a fantastic weekend, thank you for the LOVE/HATE... Remember, either way it's attention!
The opposite of LOVE isn't HATE... It's INDIFFERENCE!
CM
Comments
Wow!! I'm amazed and I truly admire your courage for all the things you've done. This is the first Carrie blog I read and girl you give some GREAT insight. Thanks! Like you said, HF plays funny games on us all, HF played that on me with your blog.
May God bless you in your journey.
Carrie, Thank you!! you are a strong woman and are a great role model for women out there.
Chase those dreams, gf. =.) Stay humble. I miss your voice, but I know you're watching out for yourself. Keep at it, you're bright. This blog represents my recent switch in life to find my purpose... Godspeed. Love, May.
This is def my favorite of your 944 blogs thus far, girlie! You got back to calling ppl on their BS and being the Carrie I know and love. People want to hear the drama...they can't wait for you to yell in ALL CAPS, "I HATE JJ&R, THEY WERE SO DEMEANING, THEY ARE SUCH A-HOLES!" But that's not gonna happen. Carrie has more class than that. That show helped her a lot. It exposed her to some of what she wanted, and it let her better understand exactly what she doesn't want. That's all this decision was...a step in the direction she has come to realize is more in line with her dreams. You guys want her old job...be as awesomely interesting as she is, and maybe you could get it. Then you could judge for yourselves...but you still could never know what is best for Carrie. And I know that makes her giggle a little every time the negativity creeps up.
Carrie...you are amazing! Anyone who can rely on Faith alone, I will ALWAYS have their back!
XOXO
Well said, CM. I did quit my job too for pretty much the same ideals, and man does it feel empowering. Good for you. Much success.
Carrie you are a rock!! Thank you for always teaching me this lesson the past five years!! You've repeated it to me so many so many times, and I have finally the past two years got it.. I had my AHHAA moment.
As for the haters, it broke a piece of me when someone would say or do something disrespectful to you. I would want to rip their face off. Those that didn't give you the respect you deserved those that would think it was a funny line to say something disrespectful. And those that thought they knew YOU, you are right they just got a small glimpse of who you are and what you are about. You are truly amazing with every meaning of the world.
You are going to sore high... on your OWN!! I thank JJ&R for letting the listeners get that small glimpse of her AWESOMENESS... but it was time for her to bow out gracefully and move onto her own goals and dreams. You guys haven't seen nothing yet for this woman!! Just wait!!
Love you Berry!!!
"Yep, sit back, read my blogs and judge all you want... While you are using my life as a distraction from your own... I'll be embracing the upside to negativity - Which is just the fire I needed lit under my behind..."
**We're not all 'haters' and not all of us 'judge' you Carrie. In the end, it was never between you and them anyway. Just remember that. :)
You just do what you gotta do and those of us who are there for you.. will be there for you. (even if we don't know you) I am one of the thousands who doesn't know you, yet I feel like I do. Mainly because you seem like the kind of person I would gravitate towards. Like you said, good manifests good and bad manifests bad.
Keep the 'haters' at bay, but keep your eye on them. :)
Claudia
How I see it is when you stop LOVING what you do and fall into the trap of just doing what you LOVED or better yet stopping doing it for yourself and fall into the trap of doing it for others you got to step back and evaluate! I think what you are doing is awesome! Much love and support here.
I really admire you! I could relate to so much of what you said and at the same time, I instantly thought of a couple of people who should read what you said! You have a lot to be proud of!!
Bottom line was the show did not do well in Tucson before you. If management had recognized this during the move to Phoenix they would not be in the mess they are now. It should have been John Jay, Rich and Carrie equal contracts, equal everything. After 6 years and nothing has changed you have to walk away, you can not waste anymore time on that path, they would just continue to "USE" you and they were getting away with it.
Not surprised an iota that it came down to just walking away...enough becomes enough
Sit down and write your goals for the remainer of 2009 - 2010 involve your daughters...time to move on
People who are hurt, hurt people... ANYONE negative in your life... Is only giving you a small glimpse of what lies inside THEMSELVES... A rotten nasty apple cannot come from a beautiful, healthy tree... Just like a shiny, tasty apple cannot come from a dying and poisoned tree... Ya dig? Good manifests Good and Bad manifests Bad!
May our HF bless you and your girls always. I love the way you wrote about Alexia. I also get that sense of peace and feeling that everything will be just fine just by smelling my daughter. It is the strangest yet most amazing sensation.
Stay strong. You are doing what's best for you and your kids and nothing else should matter. Seeing a happy mom is MUCH better for your daughters than hearing a disrespected and under appreciated "successful" mom on the radio.
Take care.
Carrie...I know this isn't what it's all about, BUT I just have to let you know that you are truly missed. My mornings just aren't the same! I hope you find what you are looking for, you deserve it!
Thank you! You made me take a step back and think...that means a lot!
Blessings always!
If you only knew how much you are truely love!!!!
"Haters are only stepping stones to the road of success" (take it yours)
But any way, what I really know is, when is the book coming out? I would read anything you would write!!! Excellent blog!!! email me I have some ideal about some books, but no skill in writing them. Stay strong!!!
You deserve a round of applause for what you wrote.
I was a single mom, and worked the 70 hours a week. I worked at pleasing everyone but myself - because it put food on the table and a roof over our heads.
And the minute I met my husband, suddenly people knowing my name didn't matter anymore. What mattered was I slowed down and really saw what was important.
I finally came back to radio on MY terms - with MY ideas and MY show with MY passions. And with that - who I am on air is who I really am....Now. And I am in awe, daily, when people tune in and listen - not because of the facade, but because they like who I am. They like my content - that is mine - not the puppet show I was giving.
Good for you - rock on.
carrie i love you. i have listen to you for as long as i can remember. you are an awesome roll model for us women out there! thank you, and good luck with what ever come your way.
P.S. YOU GO GIRL!!! :D
Miss hearing you and your relatable tangents...the show sucks without you; apparently you were the reason my friends and I listened! Glad to hear you are taking care of you and yours! Can't wait to see what you do in the future! Good luck and God bless.
Love it!
Oh, Carrie...so do miss your voice in the morning. Thanks for your reminders about haters...when I get down about it, I watch Katt Williams' clip about haters.
I believe we are all here for our PURPOSE! Sometimes it's difficult to know what that is when you have more than one skill/interest. I am working on knowing myself better too. It takes guts to really take a stand for yourself. I know I don't know you personally...human to human just want to say that I am PROUD of you. IMHO, you are a KICK ASS WOMAN whose star will continue to shine brighter and brighter. Much Love and Respect to you as you really come into your own!
keep on keepin on my lady! you're doin awesome
Wow!! You sound damaged...if you're worried people don't know the real you, quite airing your dirty laundry. You know there's a reason your last gig is called Johnjay and Rich show, it wasn't the Johnjay , Rich , and Carrie show. You knew that going in. It wasn't like you were going to change the face of radio. Quit whining all the time, and straighten up your life! Your 32 now, not a teen! Don't worry about radio , FM radio is dead!
CM... This is the first blog of yours I have read (and first blog I've ever commented on), however I've heard you on the JJ&R Show. Even though I have an hour drive every morning and miss your words on "the show", I don't think anyone should Hate on you for your decision(s).
Your blog just hit me and I'm glad I took a moment out of a crazy day to read it, because I am at that point in my life where I need something different. I have a career that some ppl would die to have (especially in this economy), however the job kills me. My husband tells me the real "me" has disappeared since I started working for my current employer, I have been in a bad car accident and my body just doesn't heal and everything points to my job. I too have worked full time (often more than 60hrs a week) since I was 14. My turning point was a recent 2 week vacation, I still had to work a few hours a day, however during
the 2 weeks, I had never felt better physically or mentally. I felt my age, if not younger for the first time in a long time. I thought it might just be the vacation, however when I came back to work everything hit harder than it did before i left. I hurt physically all the time and mentally I was just not the person my friends and family (and deep down myself) knows me to be.
It was that turning point that made me realize I need to quit my job. Yes, I need to afford my house, my family and my debts BUT ultimately I need to survive. I decided I need to be healthy and happy foremost, otherwise I'm not a good example to those I try to reflect myself on. Money isn't all that matters, even though its nice, ultimately its the happiness we crave and despite how crazy my "non-true friends" think I am, I'm leaving my job and starting my own business on just faith. Faith that I can succeed working for myself and being ultimately happy instead of the true me disappearing every day.
We are young and now is the time for us to make changes like this or forever lose ourselves.
So in short, I thank you very much for your blog as you've truly touched me with your words. I'm sure you still feel a bit lost right now but you truly are doing what's best for you and your family and I sincerely appreciate you sharing your words with your fans (and Haters!).
Carrie I want to tell you that even on your worst days, you bring such an enormous ray of sunshine to people's lives (whether they know it or not). I admire your intelligence and the courage you have to follow your heart even when it doesn't make sense at the time. You are truly an inspiration! Keep being a no-nonsense go getter and your girls will truly be better off for it because you are not only their loving mother but the greatest teacher they will ever know. Love You Carrie!
It kind of sounds like you were just ripping on Johnjay and Rich. With out them you wouldn't be where you are now whether you like it or not. With out them I wouldn't even know who you are or care enough to look you up to find out what has happened to you. The show doesn't suck with out you, it is just different. Kyle is a pretty damn cool person. But obviously you were awesome on the show and fun to listen to, have a great voice and a great personality. Realizing you needed a change is a good thing and I hope you are truly happy with what ever you decide to do. But just remember how you got to where you are and don't rag on people who helped get you there. I still think you are awesome and wish you all the best.
I loved the last part of your blog that said "the opposite of love isn't hate... it's indifference." So be indifferent to the haters. I agree with an earlier post and have been wondering for years why it wasn't the John Jay, Rich and Carrie Show. You deserved equal recognition. You are very brave and true to yourself to follow your heart, when most of us would have stayed in a place that everyone else was the right thing to do. Love you lots.
Thank you for being honest. We need more of that. Good luck to you in the path that "HF" leads you down. You are truely missed during my morning commute.
Hope you keep updating! I enjoy your RadioExiles podcasts!
You know Carrie, as much as I may miss you on the radio, and I do, I completely understand your reasoning for leaving that behind. I felt, as listening to you guys, that you were not being treated very respectfully at times. This is the first blog I read of yours, I follow you on Twitter, and was anxious to see how you are doing. Sounds like you are doing good girl!!! Will follow your tweet more often. Stay happy!
Carrie - I miss you on the radio! The new girl has an annoying voice and laugh and I can't even enjoy the show anymore. I think the show is going to suffer without you, big time!
WAHH!! You act like your so brave for leaving your job. How is leaving your job, when you have kids brave? You lament too much! Oh and the new girl is hot!!
No new update? Did you quite this too?
To Norma Stitz:
Maybe instead of talking so much sh**, you should learn to spell! HATER! .. Carrie smile, cause they hating for a reason.
Another crybaby girl patting them selves on the back for dumb choices in life! Ha, Ha!!! Oh no she didn't...they "hating!"
Your voice, your sense of humor, and your personality are all very much missed. Don't let them get to you. Most people are too afraid to chase their dreams.
Good luck with all your endeavors!!
I always enjoy reading these blogs. You have a gift of self-expression.
Hi Carrie, Thanks for the blog. I always liked you. Reading this just confirms that even more.
I really loved you on the show Carrie and it really isn't the same. I love the fact that you are going for "purpose". That's my goal in life what is the "purpose" what has God created me to do. I wish you well girly.
After listening to an old cd of JJ&R, I decided to see how my 'ol friend was doing. I liked you a lot. But you made a decision, so why act like a victim? No one is hating on you, that's your own monsters taking you there. When you get that close to anyone for that amount of time, you have to expect some issues. I've heard it between JJ & R and yet the snap out of it quickly (R's white crap on his mouth and bad breath:). Carrie, life is what you make of it - make it exactly what you deserve and stop worrying what others think. You made a decision - simply thank your fans and move on gracefully. I'm somewhat offened about the people "hating" because I loved you. It's icky to read...
Oh wait - that was some time ago. I'm guessing you're in a very different space now and want to say so but don't want to go "there" again. I hear you and congratulate you! That's how much us women can relate. Live life without regrets, ignore all responses including my own and thank the HF for what you have... a lot more than most. Peace!
Soooo..such a good mama! What about the daughter you gave up for adoption 13 years ago? Any comments on her in you so 'deep' blog (not).
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