It's the gift that keeps on giving. And giving. Because nobody wants it. It's a little holiday phenomenon known as the re-gift, which, depending on its usage, can be a noun or a verb. Or an indicator that your lazy co-worker put no thought whatsoever into that salad shooter you got in the secret Santa exchange.
So, how can you tell if you've been re-gifted? And when is it appropriate to do the re-gifting? Tis the season to explore these questions, and to perfect the art of re-gifting. Admit it; you know you'll do it at least once.
COMMON RE-GIFTS
Typical re-gifts are those deemed safe and generic enough to give to pretty much anyone, and require very little thought. Gifts become re-gifts because the people who receive the initial gift most likely just have no need for another vanilla scented candle from Pottery Barn. But hey, doesn't your boyfriend's sister like candles? Bam. Done. Wrap that shit up and give it to Brittany for Christmas. And, thus, the re-gifting chain has begun. Brittany will think it's sweet you got her something you knew she liked, but she will likely wrap it back up and give to her BFF's mother. After all, Donna loves vanilla scented candles, too.
Other common re-gifts include, but are not limited to:
1. A coffee gift set from Starbucks (who doesn't like coffee?)
2. A moderately priced box of chocolates
3. Scented soaps
4. Stationary
5. A bottle of wine or champagne (though on a personal note, I openly welcome wine as a gift and would never re-gift it, being the borderline lush, er, wine connoisseur I am)
6. Wine glasses
7. A gift card to Bed, Bath & Beyond
8. Scarves that come in boxes with clear plastic lids
9. Just about anything from Bath & Body Works
I DON'T LIKE YOU RE-GIFTS
Then there are those re-gifts that nobody ever wants, and you only would ever give them to, or receive them from, people you really don't like or who don't like you. What says, "I don't give a shit about you; Merry Christmas!" better than a fruitcake you got as a gift from the paperboy you never tip? Ooh yeah, that concoction of candied fruit enveloped in stale batter, weighing more than a bowling ball and more indestructible than a cockroach, belongs in the re-gifting hall of fame.
If not fruitcake, consider these other hall of fame nominees:
1. Salad shooter, of course
2. Bread maker (who remembers "Old School"?)
3. The cheapest box of chocolates you could find on the shelf at Rite-Aid
4. A mug filled with Hershey's Kisses from Rite-Aid
5. Any other type of mug
6. A gift card to Borders
7. A tin bin of popcorn from Costco
8. Mixed nuts
Just remember, when it comes to gift-giving, it's still the thought that counts. There are those people you should NEVER re-gift to, for fear they'll think you truly don't care enough to try a little harder:
1. Your significant other
2. Your parents
3. Your best friend
But cousins, co-workers, in-laws and postal carriers are fair game.
The ultimate re-gifting chain ends with receiving as a gift the original gift you re-gifted like a year ago. Should that ever happen, it's time to just throw in the towel and cut open that fruitcake and eat it already. Then light all 14 vanilla scented candles, pour yourself a glass of wine in your new wine glass, and read your salad shooter manual. You're going to want to use it every day for the next month to balance out the bowling ball in your stomach.
Sarah Daoust
Senior Managing Editor
sarahd@944.com
Written by: Sarah Daoust