944

Soo...

I'm sitting here in my daughter's TV Room... Just decided I needed to type in a different environment and Alexia (my oldest daughter) is the QUEEN of creating very calming, relaxing and safe areas within her little world... I'm not sure if its the fact that her blankets and pillows all smell like her ( I love the way her skin smells, I tend to go in her room while she's asleep and just take a whiff for serenity's sake) or the fact that she has this impeccable sense of coordination and flow when it comes to interior design.. She always has... She can move a couple throw pillows around and bring in a different lamp from another room, and BOOM, a room goes from relaxing to reinvigorating in minutes...

Either way, I'm nestled away in her space and I wish I could stay here all day... But I cannot... I've cocooned long enough... I'm thinking it's time to get back out there and make some noise...

See, God (who I really refer to as Heavenly Father, so we will cut it short with HF) plays this funny game with me... He shows me glimpses of my path, sometimes in dreams, sometimes while I'm driving... Either way, he shows me exactly what I need to be doing to get where I need to get.... And I brush him off... Partly out of fear, which creates laziness and complacency... Then, when HF gets really annoyed with me for not acting on my glimpses, he sends in "The Haters"....

I'm 32 years old now... But in my 20's, I was alllllll about a throw down with "The Haters"... I'd fight and battle till my head felt light... I'd go out of my way to prove things that I didn't even really care about, just for "The Haters"... And then, I ran right into my 30's and realized how exhausted I was... And how little I'd actually gone on my own path...

So, at 32 year old... I've learned what it truly means to Love Your Haters... And I do... Cause the only thing "Your Haters" are... Is a reflection of that doubtful, insecure part of yourself... Think about it, you wouldn't pay attention to what people say if it didn't (wrong or right) ring true with the minset you have at the time... That part you try your hardest to hide from the world and fortify with flashy cars, fancy houses, high profile friends and a cushy "successful" job...

I've been very blessed in that regard because I have an OUTSTANDING network of friends and family that have kept me WHO I AM... And thats a hard thing in this industry... You can lose yourself to the image you attempt to create very easily... I did just that, for a very a long time... Until I snapped...

See, you look at me, or hear my voice, or read my blogs over the past 7 years... And YOU think YOU know ME... And to be honest with you... You do, but only to a certain degree... Only as much as I've allowed you to... I'm very gifted at relating to people, which is a good thing... The bad part is, it blurs the line for some folks... They tend to judge me based on the picture I've painted for them... And rightfully so... BUT you aren't the people over at my house for Sunday Dinner... Or on the phone with me at Midnight, walking me through another meltdown... Or hanging out in my kitchen for my kids Bday parties... So, you don't really know me... And TRUST one thing for certain, speaking from The Inside... I'm the happiest I've ever been... A lil bit lost BUT its a good feeling cause I'm ready for the challenge... my soul is smiling, thats how happy I am!

Also, know this: I am human... I spent a really long time NOT being true to myself BUT it looked like "Success" on the outside, so I stuck with it... It wasn't the right thing to do... So I went back to the last place I felt right and I'm starting again from there... You can look at it as a demotion if you want... You can think I'm faking "Happiness" if you please... But one thing you cannot deny is the fact that I have the balls to chase what matters most to me... MY PURPOSE... Sorry if you look at me now and see me as a shell of what I once was... I'm pretty certain you're not one of those folks on the phone with me at Midnight who knows the truth...

I've never IN MY LIFE had just one job... I've never taken more than 2 weeks off between jobs IN MY LIFE... I've worked since I was 15 years old... 3 jobs, 3 kids and the weight of the world on my shoulders... I desperately needed to SLOW DOWN... I kept adding more and more to my plate, just to distract from the simple truth that I wasn't part of something I was proud of anymore, I wasn't being true to myself, I wasn't being treated with respect, I wasn't valued... And everyday I accepted that, I died a little bit more...

So, I stopped... 3 kids, 2 house payments, car payments all the whole 9 yards... I did the one thing that I needed to do many years ago... I took FULL STOCK of my worth, and I stood up for myself... Radio isn't the only thing I walked away from... I let a couple friends go too... I had a Yard Sale and got rid of all the crap I thought "looked" good in my world... I got back to what matters... MY PURPOSE...

Yep, sit back, read my blogs and judge all you want... While you are using my life as a distraction from your own... I'll be embracing the upside to negativity - Which is just the fire I needed lit under my behind...

I've learned a couple really cool things in the past couple of years...

1. Don't let your detractors become your distracters... Haters are actually your biggest fans, they just don't understand you so they jump to judge you...

2. People who are hurt, hurt people... ANYONE negative in your life... Is only giving you a small glimpse of what lies inside THEMSELVES... A rotten nasty apple cannot come from a beautiful, healthy tree... Just like a shiny, tasty apple cannot come from a dying and poisoned tree... Ya dig? Good manifests Good and Bad manifests Bad!

Lastly, I understand people's questions... I know from the outside my actions may not make sense... Quitting at something that looks like its winning can seem crazy.... From The Outside...

If you just read all my words, you know how little The Outside really matters to me these days....

Have a fantastic weekend, thank you for the LOVE/HATE... Remember, either way it's attention!

The opposite of LOVE isn't HATE... It's INDIFFERENCE!


CM
Written by: Carrie Ann Moten

Just read a news story that there are only a couple more days of Summer left.... Fortunately for AZ folks, we get a whole additional season of HEAT... There really isn't a FALL SEASON in AZ... Just two simple ways to break down our weather... OVER 100 degrees and UNDER 100 degrees!


I also found my Summer To-Do's that I stuck in th back of my Day-Planner... I'm happy to report that I got all but 1 things accomplished on my list... We moved into a new house a couple months ago AND I swore I'd get all the crap we no longer need (a.k.a. -- All my Ikea, college dorm-room funiture) together and have Goodwill come get it... I was thinking about having a Yard Sale, but one too many episodes of America's Most Wanted ( where the killer staked out the victim at a yard sale or flea market blah blah blah) made me too chicken to have a bunch of random strangers over to your house to pick thru all the crap you don't want for 50 cents a bundle... Okay, truth be told... I'm just lazy... No judging please...

Anyway, I'm getting a BOATLOAD of stuff together for the truck that is coming tomorrow and WHOO HOO I'm so excited! First of all, I think I'm making a HUGE deposit in the good old Karma Bank - I'm giving without expectation... YESSS! And second, I'm getting rid of CRAP I DON'T NEED!

Weird stuff too... Like one single end table... NO idea where the other one is... 15 different bedding sets that I seem to have collected over the years... I even found a fax machine! I'm actually hoping someone mistakens it for a Time Travel device and pays Goodwill big bucks! We shall see...

Either way, I gues this all falls under Summer Cleaning... With a couple days to burn... YES!

I tried to clean out Alexia, my oldest daughters room... NO DICE! She keeeeeeps everyyyythinggggg... Dear Sweet jesus that kid has size 6X shorts in her dresser still... So I was booted out of her room and ask KINDLY to never return with the intent of robbing her of her precious memories! BAH!

My youngest daughter, Amaya... She is ALL ABOUT getting rid of the old... She was trying to get me to take stuff we bought her for Back-To-School THIS YEAR... I caught on to her hustle though... She's hoping I'll load her up with all new stuff if she dumps all the old.... NO CHANCE KID! I was born at night, but NOT last night!

My middle kiddo, Selina is SUPER EASY GOING... She basically grabbed the 10 things she cared about and let me have a free-for-all with everything else! Now, that kid... IS GOLDEN!

So, the Summer To-Do List is done... And I'm feeling like a Milli!

Now I'm off to start my Summer Pt. 2 To-Do List ----> It all starts with cleaning my fridge... BLEHHH...

Anyone want some Creme Fraiche that expired on June??? I think, technically, that makes it cottage cheese... But don't quote me!

Written by: Carrie Ann Moten

Good Sweet Lordy!

I'm so stinkin' excited to be a part of the 944 familia and I'm even more ecstatic to have a new home to blog till my lil heart explodes...

I've seen people who sit in front of the computer, searching for what to talk about or how exactly to word their feelings. I have neither of those issues. I stick a mainline right from my brain to my fingertips and type till I pass out. I have so many stories, so many lessons and so many things to share. I'm just so glad to have a new home to let it all out!

More on me though . . .

I'm completely obsessed with celeb gossip, like, COMPLETELY! I can list all celeb babies born within the last 18 months IN MY SLEEP. I can break down the Six Degrees Of Celebrity Dating on any two celebs you can think of, all while checking my 8 year olds homework. Yeah, I'm OBSESSED!

I'm also a reality TV junkie and I'm blessed with the duel gift of randomness and Attention Deficit Disorder, so I'm all over the place. One moment I'm all about Whale Wars, Then, the next I might be watching Intervention. Then, there's good ole' Kendra and Keeping Up With The Kardashians, or Hammertime. On a rainy day I night even throw down a Ruby marathon or go old school with Rob & Big reruns. You name it, I know all about it.

I love music too. New music is probably my latest obsession. I love going to concerts - especially with my oldest daughter, Alexia. Right now I'm listening to MGMT and in my car I've got Maxwell, Jay-Z, Shakira, N.A.S.A and Lil Wayne. Again, I'm random - music is the perfect way to express yourself, so I'm a huge fan.

I'm a momma too. I've got 3 daughters, Alexia (16) Selina (13) and Amaya (8.) They are just about the coolest thing I have ever done and I'm thankful that they remind me daily of what really matters in life: love.

Speaking of love...

I'm in a new relationship and its just about as perfect as things get in my world. I'm finally surrounded by people who are positive and gone are the days where I give all my goodness to people who don't deserve it. Which, btw, Is causing quite a stir...

I've spent the greater part of my life being a fighter. I've had to fight for everything I have (not to say I have much, but ya feel me?) and that behavior becomes a habit, I've been on my own since I was 16 years old, and I've been a Mom since that age as well, so I know what its like to have to take three steps just to equal everyone else's one step. By no means am I complaining. I love my life. Every hurdle has made me who I am.

But at 32 years old, I'm seeing that I've made some key mistakes in life. I've trusted the wrong people (haven't we all... LOL) and I've given my very heart and soul to support people who never had my best interests in mind. It took me getting really sick last week to see the error of my ways. I had this chunk of time in which I couldn't do anything but lay around and look at the ceiling, and think, and then cry, and then make peace with myself. I needed to be taken out of commission so I could really take a good look at myself. I got that opportunity and I'm so deeply thankful for it. In hindsight :-)

Never underestimate the power of belief. Belief is what makes people do things they never thought they could. Go places they never thought they could. The mind and soul on the same page to accomplish a mission are an unstoppable force, but when that belief is misguided tt can cause more pain than promise.

When you believe the hurtful things people say about you to your face or behind your back, or when you put yourself around people who think you are less than them or treat you less than special it's quite toxic. Because no matter how many times you tell yourself that they don't know the real you, or you justify their actions so you can find a way not to take the hurt personally, you let little pieces of that poison seep in. Before you know it you're under water drowning just trying to get a gasp of air and find the strength to find the real you.

I've been there... We all have....

But laying in that bed all week, crying every couple of hours and wanting to go outside and JUST. RUN. AWAY. -- something clicked-- I made it through. And by the end of the week, I looked in the mirror and found a glimmer of the old Carrie Ann. The one that got me here. By just simply being me.

So, this fresh new place I'm in is a delicate one. I'm softer, and I'm slower with my decisions. But I'm stronger. Strong enough to know that every single struggle is just like that pressure cooker that turns the lump of coal into a diamond.

And this diamond, isn't afraid to shine anymore... And instead of stressing about the who, what, when, where and how, I will tell you one thing I know for certain.

Whatever is supposed to come my way - blessings or otherwise - will come. There isn't one person on this planet that can change the path that is laid out for me. They may try, but the faith I have in myself and in The Big Guy are so much stronger than any rock they try to throw. So, I rest easy. I can smile and sleep just fine knowing I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing ...

Chillin' in this freah new place!

Have a great week... Stay Positive!

Carrie Ann Written by: Carrie Ann Moten