944

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…”

Summer is the season that probably has the greatest impact on me. It's when I think about who I am, what I’m doing and whose lives I have had an impact on.

The world didn’t end recently, but if it did would you be able to look back and be proud of what you have accomplished? What would you do differently? Would you have spent more time with your family, married that girl when you were younger, visited a sick grandparent in the hospital more or had a few less shots of tequila that night?

So I looked back on my past 10 years since I completed college and made a list of what I did and the things I wish I didn’t. It's an ongoing list I am adding to each time I remember more, but thus far I have come to the realization I am incredibly blessed. I have an incredible family that is always there for me, I have great friends I can truly call friends and I have experienced more “once in a lifetime” opportunities than one person should. I probably take for granted the access to the world I live in, but when it's all said and done it's not reality. It's fun and great, but true happiness doesn’t come in the form of hanging with celebrities and being backstage. Sure, I have done some dumb things — really dumb. But those dumb things have helped me to grow into the person I am today and I have learned so much from my mistakes. Mistakes are beautiful if you truly understand why it was a mistake and act differently the second time when given the opportunity. Conversely, a mistake is tragic if you keep repeating it.

My last 10 years, I started a company out of a dollar and a dream. Literally, it was really a dollar — I had to find coins in the bottom of old couches. I had no clue where it would go or what it would be but I had a burning desire to be successful and I was incredibly passionate about the concept. It could’ve been a bag of dirt and it would have been amazing. The team around me had just as much belief and determination, which made us an an unstoppable force. That company then grew exponentially year over year, affording a lot of people to be a part of a once-in-a-lifetime experience as well as giving a platform to a special demographic that has had an influence on many businesses, places, people and talent. Many notable talents, whether they're musicians or actors, got their first feature or break in 944.

I even look back on how this crazy lady came to pitch us on how she was going to be a big star and wanted to use our office on Sunset Boulevard at the time to do a small concert. That night they used my office as her dressing room and I remember having an OCD attack about all the glitter and makeup all over my desk. She went out there and put on a really unusual concert in this crazy costume where everyone in the room was wondering and giving me those looks on why I produced this concert for a whack job and invited them. Honestly I even thought to myself that night, “WTF Marc, why do you always have to trust your intuition?” All she had was a dream, she was unproven and no one ever heard of her — but then I caught a glimpse of her eyes and I saw she wasn’t going to let anyone stop her from her dream. Those eyes belong to who we know now as Lady Gaga. There are hundreds of stories like these, some just as big and some not as public but with as much of an impact socially and on helping make the world a better place. These stories are memories for those involved and they can never be taken away (you all know who you are). So following the traditional Hollywood style, these memories and stories are getting pen to paper for a book about the life of 944. And since our memories sometimes leave out things, send us a tweet @marclotenberg to remind us how 944 has had an impact on your life — Whether being featured, inspired or how you met your sweetheart at one of our events.

Everyone always thought 944 was just one big party, but the true insiders knew it was an incredibly powerful brand that brought people's dreams to life and I am glad that over the last 10 years I have been able to be a facilitator of these dreams coming to fruition. Whether you’re a little monster or a little dreamer, never let anyone hold you back from following what you believe in.

Marc Lotenberg
Visionary/Fighter/Lover
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg Written by: Marc Lotenberg

A couple years ago, Brett Leve relentlessly approached me about joining something called Summit Series. A co-founder, Leve and his team have created a group that engages the world's most dynamic dreamers and doers through curated events and initiatives designed to make the world a better place. I had no clue what this Summit Series was nor do I think they do either yet, but the passion he exuded was electric. For a long time I made excuses on why I couldn’t go witness his dream he was pitching me on, but this April I went. Now I am hooked like a junkie on smack. Words can't explain the experience so I will skip it but if you are lucky enough to have Elliot (the other founder), Brett, Josh, Justin, Jeff or one of the other amazing people from Summit ever ask you to be part of their family just say yes, trust me. Girls and gays, the boys I named happen to all be young and good looking, but don’t say yes for that. Don’t ask to join either, it's an invite-only thing. If you should be there, they will know.

During my three-day Summit, I was lucky enough to listen, speak, inquire, challenge and occasionally party with the below who stood out most from the group.

Sir Richard Branson
Chairmen, Virgin Group
As the opening of the weekend, Branson discussed his vision and how taking risks are important because if you are scared of failure you can't be successful. Have you heard of Virgin Cola and Branson’s idea to take on Coca-Cola? It's always entertaining when number 254 on Forbes list of Richest People In The World tells you about their big fuck-ups. But it's even more inspiring when the same person announces he is launching Virgin Oceanic, where they are building the world's first submarine capable of taking a human to explore the depths of our planet. No one has been to the bottom of our planet but several people have walked on the moon. Scary thought.

Blake Mycoskie
Chief Shoe Giver, TOMS Shoes
You gotta like someone who lives on sailboat, but you must love someone who has given more than 1 million shoes to people in need. Blake’s entire outlook on life could be viewed as crazy or genius — I go with the latter. As he brought out a 7-foot-tall cardboard cylinder he told us, "The next one-for-one product is inside this mystery box, which will be opened on June 7. The truth is what’s inside this box is not nearly as important as what is represents. TOMS is no longer a shoe company, it's a one-for-one company."

Beth Comstock
CMO, GE
There is this small outfit called GE, it’s a 130-year-old advanced technology, services and finance company taking on the world's toughest challenges. Operating in more than 100 countries and employing about 300,000 people, Beth leads the company's organic growth. “Business needs to enact social change, not just for internal staff, but for the community,” she says. “It gives employees a sense of mission and purpose.” Just from seeing her commanding approach in speaking, it's easy to see how she has moved up as one of the most successful females in our time. She's married with two kids, yet still finds time to solve the largest problems we are faced with in global change. Ecomagination, a brilliant concept is what everyone should take a look at. While GE doesn’t need to do this, they realize they should, and its engaging their staff and public exponentially. ecomagination.com

Bob McKnight
CEO, Quiksilver
I grew up in NY during the Spicoli days thinking all surfers were just stoned and burnt. Wearing boardshorts and holding a beer, Bob chatted in a calm, cool and collected way about how he got started following his lifestyle and turning it into a billion-dollar business — and how he almost lost it all over a bad acquisition of Rossignol. Mistakes aside, he relentlessly persevered through the challenges in his quest to be the leading global youth apparel company. His views on “co-opetition” and why he is friends with the other brand owners who are competing with Quiksilver is how you can tell this is only the beginning for them. If you aren’t sure, check out the awesome retail space they have in NYC's Times Square next time. Guess this surfer showed me.

Gary Vaynerchuck
Founder, Vayner Media
The Tony Soprano of the children’s neighborhood lemonade stand business, Gary was probably the most entertaining of the bunch. From New York Times best-selling books like Crush It! to his new book The Thank You Economy, I am excited to see what the next 10 years brings Gary (maybe he will complete his dream of owning the NY Jets).

Shai Agassi
CEO, Better Place Electric Vehicles
TIME magazine named Shai one of the world’s 100 most influential people in 2009, and not just because he is Jewish, but because of his solution to free cars from oil. At $5/gallon to fill up my car these days I am hoping Shai succeeds in his vision as many countries have signed on, with Israel leading the movement.

If you Google, check these people out. If you Facebook, look them up. If you Tweet, follow them. But if you have time to do more than that online, well, that explains why you'll never be invited to the Summit Series.


Marc Lotenberg
Carnival Crusder/Dynamic Dreamer/Survivor of Coachella 2011
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg Written by: Marc Lotenberg

“Alright, already the show goes on

Alright, till the morning we dream so long

Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up

Just remember when you come up

The show goes on!”
-Lupe Fiasco, 944 April Music Issue Cover

I am one of those people who have trouble remembering things — maybe it’s the drugs from my college years (thank you Arizona State University) or the liquor from the present — but music helps recall every detail of a situation. One minute you are smiling and happy and then “Fair” by Remy Zero comes on and brings you back to the one that crushed you and suddenly a dark cloud of memories alters your mood instantly. And in other cases you are in a rut and just down on life and a great song like “Let Go” by Frou Frou comes on and gives you the spark to get up and shake it off. Music is more than just lyrics and notes, it can control your emotions, your thoughts and your actions.

Billboard may have its top 100 and iTunes has its top charts, but I have taken a little more … shall we say creative approach. Below is my list of songs along with a description of a girl who would most likely be listening to it, a frame of mind or when to play the song.

“A Beautiful Mess”
Jason Mraz
You love her, she loves you. It’s a magical experience every time your eyes meet, but you found each other at the wrong point in your lives. Or maybe in a prior life you shared something amazing and you now have a natural magnetic energy in the present. Either way, every time you make love the world stops and everything makes sense. Then when the song ends you go on your separate ways and look forward to the next encounter, still not understanding how to fix this beautiful mess.

“Caramel”
Suzanne Vega
You can find her at the Fasano Hotel in Rio, hanging out in the Baretto-Londra lounge. She seems nice, although you each don’t understand each other's native tongue, but still find a way to connect through music and flirt through your eyes. You won't see her again, but will always remember that point in your life.

“The Boulevard of Broken Dreams”
Diana Krall
Three different failed engagements and two unsuccessful marriages leads this 40-something-year-old cougar to re-enter the dating scene with distorted expectations. Us men have one advantage over women, as we get older our choices become bigger, but as you women get older your choices become smaller. It's sad, I know, so maybe when you have someone that’s 80 percent perfect, bite your lip and do whatever it takes because as you get older you will find yourself forced to settle for 50 percent perfect and that might be with two kids from his previous marriage and those kids will hate you because you will be bitter on life. But what a great song to drink wine and cook to.

“Love is a Losing Game”
Amy Winehouse
She's dressed in all black, wearing long sleeves and big boots in the middle of summer. No, those wounds that look like she's been getting beaten is not from someone else but herself — she's a cutter. Somehow she has given up on life yet gives me dirty looks when I walk by as I should be ashamed my nails are freshly manicured. When does that gothic/cutter thing eventually click with them to change? I've never seen an 80-year-old dressed as a goth, so I'm left with only two conclusions: they kill themselves at some point or they go off with a vampire.

“Sweet Child O’ Mine”
Guns N’ Roses
A little Hank Moody of Californication in all of us. Maybe you’re at the Whiskey Bar at Sunset Marquis Hotel or Rose Bar at Gramercy Park Hotel, she says she's 18 and that’s good enough for you, but deep down you know there is a chance she is 16. You consider yourself accomplished and a smart individual ,yet the fact she goes with 18 and not 21 doesn’t alert any red flags despite being in a bar.

“Angel”
Massive Attack
I preface this by saying if you truly don’t know how to fuck, I wouldn’t play this song. And by fuck I mean just that, not make love, not have sex but a straight up evening you will not forget and will linger for some time as you continually ask yourself, “Did that really happen?” There might be some ropes, blindfolds, cuffs, chains and an occasional slap. (OK, fine, maybe a hit.) You don’t need to seek her out, she will find you by your reputation — or you can roll the dice and head to the Viper Room in LA and seek out the girl with daddy issues.

“I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You”
Colin Hay
She loves coffee, but won't step foot in Starbucks. Brilliant in every way, but hasn’t been able to get over an issue with the one she loved. The principal of the matter seems to overpower the risk of losing the one you are destined to be with. Bite your lip and don’t worry about the principal — when you are sitting in a hammock together 30 years later you will be glad you didn’t stand your ground over principal. Reference “The Boulevard of Broken Dreams” girl as the alternative.

“I Love, You Love”
John Legend
By day she's holding power lunches for top agencies as a force to be reckoned with, and at nights she's the host of dinner parties at swanky restaurants. On her off time she is with you. Smart, successful and sophisticated. While she doesn’t need you, she respects and

“Nasty Girl”
Notorious B.I.G., P. Diddy, Nelly, Jagged Edge & Avery Storm
There are “around the way girls” and then there is the nasty girl — you can find her doing laps at the ghetto malls where Sears was the main tenant previously, but recently left due to the incident when there was a shooting between two cousins and their baby's momma. You can spot her with the 7-inch long nails, the big bubbles of gum she's poppin' and the tube top that’s three sizes too small. Don’t bother talking to her as the only thing she knows how to say is “Heyyyyyy daddy.” Meanwhile ‘daddy’ hasn’t seen her since … well, he just hasn’t ever seen her.

“Numb”
Portishead
She's not happy, she's not sad, she's just numb. Hang by the local CVS and wait for the girl to pick up her monthly supply of Zoloft or Xanax that she ingests for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Find a way to bump into her with a pamphlet you inconspicuously have in your hand about Lunesta and if it's right for you. Act mellow and invite her to grab a drink in a dark and depressing bar even though its bright and sunny outside. Give her the upper hand and make yourself seem worse off than she is. The sorrow she feels for you will lead to heavy cuddling. Play a song at a lower bpm, like 80, instead of the song's natural 156 and keep on repeat.

“If I Were A Boy”
Beyonce
This gets complicated, but try and follow me: The girl who thinks she is a lesbian, not bi but not sure, and still young so you manipulate her to think you also are confused and get her to hook up with you. That makes it OK with her because it seems like it's still a gay experience because you have never hooked up with a boy, but she can fill in. Be careful on this one, it can backfire on both people.

“Against All Odds”
Postal Service
You loved her, cheated on her, crushed her, she still wants you and now you can't respect her. You both know it’s the final encounter, but she wants one last moment. You shouldn’t do it as you know she will regret it half-way through and she will be left crying in the bed, but like a blackjack dealer in Vegas you still give them what they ask for even when you know they should just walk away.

“Raise Your Weapon”
Deadmau5
It's Vegas, 115 degrees in summer and you are off with your buddies to hang outside by a pool. Enter Marquee Day Club, where the women this summer will make the Sultan of Brunei jealous with the quality of talent. You can find this girl holding a glass of champagne but not drinking it, she's smiling and loving life. Here you think she is winking at you, but she just wants you to introduce her to your friend Molly.

What did we learn?
Women want their “perfect” even if it's not realistic. Men can have their “perfect” yet it doesn’t seem real.

Read more of Marc's list at 944.com

MARC LOTENBERG
Womanizer/Princess in Training/Cupcake Connoisseur
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg Written by: Marc Lotenberg

As we enter into a better economy than prior seasons, I am always excited to see what the creative geniuses at the fashion houses plan on unveiling. On that note, the nine items below should help you enter the season more properly focused.

1. "You really are going to spend $3,000 on a Dior jacket? It's just a silly jacket, no one knows the difference. You're just wasting money being a label whore." Quote from someone who shouldn't be reading 944 but rather the New Times. If you look at a jacket as a jacket then maybe try adjusting your view and look at it as a piece of art. The cut, style and textures all make each seasons rendition's unique as a form of expression. Fashion is art or art is fashion but either way you look at it, a Dior jacket isn't just a jacket.

2. Wear clothes to fit your size. Just as it looks horrible for an overweight person to be sporting a tight tank top, it looks equally as bad and even more comical to be wearing overly baggy clothing. Cross Colors and Iceberg died off for a reason. You don't look like a baller wearing the same outfit as me four sizes too big, you look like a clown.

3. Speaking of circus folk, a girl strutting toward me strong and determined in a 5-and-a-half inch Louboutin can make an 8 look like a 9, but the same 8 walking toward me looking like a bad stilt walker about to fall into me doesn't have the same effect. (And don't tell me you don't need to work out because you're skinny when you can't even walk straight. Go take some Pilates at the very least.)

4. My little homeboy Justin Bieber says Never Say Never, but I don't think he meant that in relation to Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier. In that case, Never means Never. (Although big props to my friend Christian, that fast-moving funny Frenchman made a fortune.)

5. It's kind of sexy when a girl rocks her man's clothing, but its more than gay when a guy rocks his girl's gear. #ManorexicTendancies

6. If you take a knapsack like the one from high school to your new job, then clearly you should go back to your prior job of bartending.

7. If you are shaping your style off what you see on Jersey Shore, I have some helpful tips for you actually, no I don't, you are beyond help. Just settle on the fact that you are past the point of no return, go start a match.com profile and sign the deal with the first person who will take you. There is a reason the show is so popular: People love train wrecks. No cool fashion brand is trying to get their clothing on the cast, so if you need TV for style tips, wait for season two of How to Make it in America.

8. Girls, you might have missed the makeup lessons when you were younger as hopefully you were more focused on having your girlfriend teach you how to give head versus how to apply makeup, but there is always time to go back and learn. It's a painful experience when you arrive and there's an inch of makeup so thick I can't tell if you're just really fucking ugly underneath or losing your depth perception. Makeup can't make you look pretty you either are or you are not. It can add a little character, but don't confuse the two. And if you have the makeup lesson down pat but not the other, have no fear as its one trend that never goes out of season.

9. Are NYC girls just born with style where as LA girls need to put effort into it? Settle down divas out west, I'm not saying you all are tragic, I'm just saying I had to do extra neck-stretching exercises before I walked out of the Gansevoort Hotel when I was in NYC this February. I guess that's why the Oscars belong in Hollywood and Fashion Week belongs in NYC. Period. The end.


MARC LOTENBERG
Arbiter of Nothing/Obsessive Compulsive/Narcissist
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg
Written by: Marc Lotenberg

I want a girl with extensions in her hair
Bamboo earrings
At least two pair
A Fendi bag and a bad attitude
That's all I need to get me in a good mood
She can walk with a switch and talk with street slang
I love it when a woman ain't scared to do her thing

LL Cool J in 1990 knew what he wanted. If it was only that easy. Entering my prime, everyone from nagging Jewish mothers who swear "their daughter is perfect for me," to my nagging (in a very loving way) Jewish mother who claims she found the perfect girl for me every time she meets a single girl are constantly trying to set me up. Of course, being so shallow (or is it judgmental? I can never distinguish between the two), my first reply is always "What does she look like?" So, after further review I
decided to actually sit down and make a list I love lists for those of you who don't know me of what I really want.

1. Yes I want to get married and only once. Not that I have an issue with divorce but I think some people view getting married as buying a shirt at Neiman's and returning it if they don't like it.
2. Religion. Hopefully open-minded cause my view is religion is a dying business and we shouldn't be forced to believe a certain set of codes, but what we actually feel is right.
3. Looks. Yes, I can't be with an ugly girl or even a 6. Call me what you want, but I am who I am and I ain't gonna change. I will also say that over the years I have learned the lesson that I will take a sane 8 over a crazy 10.
4. She has to be fun and open to being adventurous, and not just behind closed doors.
5. Honesty is the best policy. That's my real breaking point. I can tolerate a lot, but not lies. Everyone makes mistakes, but once the trust is gone you have nothing left.
6. Body. I love to work out so she has to be someone who cares about how she looks. The fake shit ain't for me, while its not a deal breaker I like au naturale. (But please support our plastic surgeon advertisers, they keep our lights on and a good set is always fun to look at.)
7. OK, here comes the real asshole comments, but it's hard to argue against it. A good girl needs to have her nails always neat and her car not looking like it's a yard sale. And compromise is meeting in the middle but there are certain things where compromise doesn't work. For example, if I like my place super neat and organized and you don't care to clean up around yourself and you don't mind your place looking like a dorm room after a long weekend party took place, there is no option of compromising. I am not compromising on whether a place should be clean versus dirty. That's a deal breaker, end of story, period, the end.
8. Family. I can't fault her if her family is dysfunction junction, but hopefully she can differentiate between how she was raised and how she should've been raised.
9. There is nothing more sexy than a girl with drive, confidence and a feeling of accomplishment.
10. Tattoos. Well I used to be really against these as you don't put a bumper sticker on a Bentley, but I guess if it's super important to you then it is what it is.
11. And last but not least, someone who is caring, compassionate and emotional as I am an emotional teddy bear.

You find me that person and the un-marryable will get married.

MARC LOTENBERG
Commander of Dysfunction Junction/Heartbreaker/Administrative Assistant to Moni D.
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg

Written by: Marc Lotenberg

The last year was filled with an equal amount of chaos and celebration.

Here is my top 20 list of things that stood out.

-Bedbugs crawled their way into your bedroom.
-General Motors exits bankruptcy and then does a record breaking IPO, which will be written about in business books from now on.
-The vuvuzela became a international buzzword.
-Conan O'Brien stood tall again with a comeback.
-Betty White somehow rode the fame train all over again.
-Kanye West went from most hated entertainer to No.1 album chart topper.
-The Facebook movie comes out and now your parents joined Facebook.
-Drake puts out more songs that sound exactly the same yet still all sell.
-Lindsay Lohan realized she just doesn't have the power she thought she did. You are not OJ, sweetheart.
-The iPad becomes a revolutionary product even though the iPhone winds up not being a good working phone.
-Groupon explodes and convinces people to buy things they don't need but with an expiration date to later find out its illegal to put expiration on currency.
-Jetblue flight attendant Steven Slater freaks out.
-Haiti earthquake starts the year off with tragedy and the U.S and others come to the rescue with a star-studded TV charity affair
-LeBron James gets overexposed.
-Lady Gaga rocks a sexy outfit made purely of meat. Really, people?
-Somehow Chelsea Clintons wedding became top news. It must've been a boring week. Or was it top news that someone married her?
-BP turns into Public Enemy No. 1.
-Angry Birds don't seem so angry when looking at their bank account.
-Bieber Fever.
-944 enters chapter 11 reorganization on April 6, and against all odds exits on December 17. Entr'acte


MARC LOTENBERG
CEO/Equinox Addict/Professional Flirt
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg
Written by: Marc Lotenberg

As the holidays approach and the makeup from Halloween wears off, this becomes a bittersweet time. While "we are living in a material world and I'm a material girl" (a quote I use often at 944) the emotional side of me begins to think of those who don't live the glam life.

So as you glance through the many pages of this month's 944 holiday gift guide, looking for fabulous gifts to give to your loved ones, try to do three acts of good for those who will never get to touch a piece from Lanvin or even know what that means. Try spending one hour at a food bank or giving up a weekend to walk for a cure. If you can't spare the time of missing a facial this month, or don't think you have it in yourself to miss the big bowl game, then maybe you should try haveing one less tequila shot on Saturday night and use the money to do something for someone else. Or better yet, have the shots and figure out something else to cut back on. We need to keep this realistic. All the clothes, watches, cars and even money can never give you the satisfaction attained by helping someone less fortunate, so pay it forward and see how rewarding an hour can be. Try this: Whatever you decide to spend to spend on gifts this season, take 1 percent of that and spend it on someone less fortunate.

On the 944 front I have to say the team here is producing amazing work and I'm so proud of the product and everything we have planned for 2011, leveraging the accomplishments of the past year and prior years. Next month I'll shed some light on the wow things we have planned, or if a month is too long, follow me on twitter.com/MarcLotenberg and you can find out first. After all, there are no editors screening my comments like at other places (cough, cough).

Stay sexy this holiday time and when you're thinking of indulging in the extra helping of dessert, think twice Miami is gonna be off the fucking charts this season.


MARC LOTENBERG
CEO/Troublemaker/DIVA
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg

Written by: Marc Lotenberg

Several years ago, my ex-girlfriend invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner. There was good food, pleasant conversation and friendly, encouraging relatives. Quite frankly, it was the most boring six hours of my life. When I hit up a Turkey day soiree' I expect these seven things present.

1. The Racist Old Person that Makes Everyone Uncomfortable “ I want to hear the phrase she was raised in a different era at least six times before the main course.

2. The Loser Boyfriend Your Niece Brought Home from College - Bonus points if he smells like a Phish concert and majors in Philosophy.

3. A Drunk Uncle Determined to Ruin Something “ He's been wasted since noon and is looking to do some damage. Whether it's a spilled gravy boat, broken vase or his not-so-sharp nephew's dreams of going to college, this guy is drunk, angry and not afraid of an intervention.

4. An Outspoken Vegetarian “ There's nothing better than an unprovoked, emotional speech about the perils of eating turkey.

5. Someone Who's Been to Jail “ Why yes, I would love to hear more about the yams they serve in San Quentin!

6. A Couple Headed for Divorce “ Is it really a family holiday if somebody doesn't yell I'm sleeping with the gardener during desert?

7. A really attractive relative “ She really just serves as a conversation starter/creeper for the drunk uncle. I could also throw in overachieving cousin who now works at Kinkos and aging aunt desperate not to die alone, but I've got to save something for Hannukah.

Marc LoteNberg
CEO/Hopeless Romantic / ‘—, ‘—
teammarc@944.com
twitter.com/MarcLotenberg
facebook.com/MarcLotenberg
Written by: Marc Lotenberg

So stupid, but so funny. Thanks to my buddy Austin for turning me onto this ...

Written by: D.B. Mitchell

Holy crap, we still live in a country that does this:

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/01/21/white-american-baske.html Written by: D.B. Mitchell

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” - Ron White

I love me some vodka. Specifically, Stoli. More specifically with a splash of soda and no fruit. I said NO FRUIT, goddammit. Stupid cocktail servers. And no, I don't want a straw either. I like it the way I like it, and I like it that way all the time. My life tends to be fairly chaotic, so it's the small comforts which are my touchstones, and if there's one thing that's sure to send me into a panic, it's the powers that be deciding to “rebrand” or “reconcept” or (God forbid) discontinue one of my anchors. “Orchid Blossom” Teen Spirit and Metabolife I still weep for you . . .

So, last week when a press release rolled in with the subject the “rebranding strategy” of Stolichnaya I nearly had a seizure. Instead, I braced myself with a stiff one and read on.

Plans for 2010 include a new bottle top, a new bottle design and a “visually refreshing” label. Hmph.

The overall plan is “to further increase the brand’s presence, while still staying true to Stolichnaya’s ability to reach consumers with underlying themes of desire and intrigue.” Okay, I respond to this message. I drink vodka. I am sophisticated, attractive and dangerous. So far so good.

The new metal bottle caps will embody a more visually stimulating look with premium closure that reflects this message.” Huh?

“Stolichnaya’s newly designed bottle caps are among one of the many changes made this year to increase the brand’s relevance among a new generation of vodka drinkers who seek premium quality as well as adventure with choices they make on a daily basis,” said Andrey Skurikhin, partner, SPI Group, one of the world's leading spirits companies and owner of the Stolichnaya vodka brand.

“All changes, such as the new bottle tops to the holographic ink and updated label weave together to tell a story rich with the brand’s Russian heritage but still provocative enough to evoke a sense of excitement for consumers,” said Lisa Pfenning, Stolichnaya Brand Director.

Opening a brand new bottle of Stoli is going to get MORE exciting? Unpossible. Go ahead expensive hired-gun trend spotters and designers. You can package Stoli in a three-foot tall, compostable, 100 percent post-consumer recycled bamboo jug and slap a pink Susan B. Komen breast cancer awareness ribbon on it for all I care. Just don't ever mess with what's inside, okay?


Written by: Laurel May

God, I love my job. I get so many amazing perks. The least of which just rolled into my mailbox. Yes, I am the lucky recipient of a FREE six-month membership to the classy and exclusive website www.mutualarrangements.com "The Premiere Sugar Daddy Dating Site."

The splash page shows a hot blonde piece planting one on a mildly douchey, youngish dork wearing a khaki polo shirt and a shit-eating grin, so I was a bit shocked to find the MA bullpen stocked with nothing but mostly overweight 60-somethings. Another shock: most seemed to report their income at "under 100,000." Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it being WEALTHY a prerequisite to being a sugar daddy? If I wanted to bang an old, poor guy I could just go to Reno. Jeez.

The "Sugar Baby" portion of the website wasn't much better. I'm pretty sure a large percent of the ladies are using their stage names as their member names (if you get my drift) and the rest were pushing the limits of the descriptor "baby."

So, in conclusion, I'm going to pass on the free membership offer, but if you're an old poor dude looking to waste your paltry income on a gal way past her expiration date or a day shift stripper, shoot me an email and I'll hook you up.

Written by: Laurel May

Normally when I get a Google Alert about 944, it's for some disgruntled intern whining about being shit-canned for tweeting about her slutty, drunken exploits, or news that Nick Lachey came to one of our parties (seriously, has Lachey ever missed a party? Ever?)

Well, imagine my surprise this morning when I got a Google Alert that gossipcop.com is reporting (via Star Magazine) that the model-slash-rapper who claims to be responsible for Kourtney's uterine cargo, met her at a 944 photo shoot.

If what he's claiming is true, that would mean that the company I work for is indirectly responsible for bringing another Kardashian into the world.

Now, 944 has helped people to achieve things that I'm super proud of: We provided 50 Cent with an opportunity to make Paris Hilton cry (944 Super Village, 2008), we presented the perfect setting for Akon's manager to kick Suge Knight's ass (944 Phoenix party at the W Hotel, 2009) and I just heard a rumor that 944's GAME editor found Jesus last night in a prayer circle with DMX and Flavor Flav. All great things, but if this Kourtney Kardashian story ends up being true, I'm Kwitting..


http://www.gossipcop.com/keeping-a-tab-on-kourtney-kardashian-mama-drama/ Written by: Laurel May

Today I read an article about bailing from a party before the host notices, something referred to in the story as a “French leave” ie: “Where the hell did So-and-So go?” “Oh, I think he took the French leave about an hour ago.” this being some sort of diss on the French, you know, because they don't like to fight or whatever.

A friend of mine calls this approach “The CEO.” As in: it's a CEO move to leave early, because the CEO doesn't have time to hang around, milling with the underlings, etc. The CEO shows up to the party, does a few laps and then splits without saying good bye to anyone. Since this same friend usually accompanies me to most events, I've been doing doing plenty of executive-style maneuvering lately, and overall I'd say it works like charm, the only hazard being the host/ess happening to glance over and seeing you hightailing it out the door. Super tacky. So the key to the CEO is speed. Speed and powers of invisibility in the event of detection. Luckily, I have both, but I much prefer my own technique. One that I like to call “The Phantom” The CEO may get to leave early, but he still drags his ass to the party like everyone else. The Phantom, on the other hand, can get away without even showing up. Here's how:

So, say your friend is having a party, and it's at a bar you don't really enjoy that much, or the parking is going to be a nightmare, or the new Real Housewives of the OC is on TV, or your friend's girlfriend is a total whore and you hate her. Okay, so obviously, the party is out. Assuming your friend drinks heavily, and all of mine do, thank God, you simply tell everyone you'll see them at the bash and then crawl back into bed or whatever thing seems more appealing than the party. In the morning, call someone who was there and ask them if they had fun. Pick up a few details, such as who got arrested, who caught their husband in the ladies room with what skank, etc. Then call the party's host and say something along these lines, “Hey, thanks for inviting me to your party! I tried to say hi to you but those cops were everywhere, and I couldn't get to you, and then when I saw you later, you were busy consoling Ginger. I can't believe what a jerk that Fred is! Busted in a bathroom stall with Lucille! Disgusting! Thanks again!”

If they say, “I didn't even see you!” Just say, “I waved at you! You were so drunk. Your parties are the best ever! Thanks again!” and then hang up the phone. Trust me, I have done this hundreds of times. Now you can stay home in your cozy bed watching RHOC. Let that loser CEO go and rub shoulders with the riff-raff.

Written by: Laurel May

I ran into my yogi the other night, she was on her way into a party, I was on my way out.

Oh, and by "yogi," I mean the chick who holds the occasional, invite-only "Renegade Yoga" class in an old gas station in Berkeley. In this particular class, we warm up by discussing which illicit substances and or types of alcohol we poisoned our "temples" with the night before and then Sarah gently guides us through a few slightly excruciating asanas specially selected by her for their ability to wring toxins from our bodies. It's actually not that bad, because Sarah cracks everybody up with her Hitler jokes and she always warns the class beforehand which poses might make the dudes in the class fart, something I really appreciate. At the end of one of her classes, I always feel happy and fired up and much less hung over which is awesome because she usually holds these classes on Saturdays so it's very important for me to be 100% ready for another night of imbibing, or whatever.

Anyway, I ran into her at this party and she said, "Hey Laurel! Om Fucking Shanti!" and I was like, "Sarah, dude, you should totally put that on a t-shirt." She said, "Yeah, right," (but it sounded more like yah reeeight, because she's Canadian. Those people talk so funny!) "But that guy already makes those shirts that say Fuck Yoga" and I said, "No way!" and she said, "Check out www.fuckyoga.com."

So I did. You should too. At least till Sarah's "Om Fucking Shanti" shirts hit the market. Written by: Laurel May