Roni Kosmal A.K.A. Nurse Roni explores the question: Can women get better with age? (And if so, how?)
Unfortunate circumstances recently reunited me with some friends from high school I had not seen in some 15 plus years. The untimely death of a classmate brought old faces together to talk, console, catch up, share in fond memories and update one another on marriages, jobs, children, etc... Reunions like these, although preferably under not-as-bleak premises, are always fascinating to me, as I have a particular interest in re-uniting with women I have not seen for long stretches of time. Due to the nature of my work (an aesthetic RN) I sometimes get buried in the false reality that every woman is fighting alongside me in the struggle against “premature aging”, and I forget that some women are truly embracing the idea of aging “gracefully” and “naturally”. Although seemingly petty at tragic times like this, when one should be soul searching about the blessings of a life un-cut, I can’t help but take stock and analyze the faces around me....an occupational hazard.
As I glance around the room, studying my former school mates, I take curious note, not in judgment, but simply as an observer, as to how age (in this case a mere 15 years) has treated the women around me. Some of my former classmates look distinctively “improved” from their high school years, the awkwardness of silly teenage trends far behind them, they are settled into their unique appearances as women. I find myself basking in the deep satisfaction I know they must feel having the ability to walk into a room filled with former boyfriends, “frenemies” and catty classmates knowing they have clearly captured the “last laugh”. These women display the confidence of an individual who has grown into her physique, mature sexuality and womanhood in a way that eludes the girls who had it handed to them easily as young teenagers. I find myself unable to take my eyes off of them, riding on the wave of pure satisfaction I know they must feel in possessing the secret as to why some of us truly get better with age.
And then there are the others...the ones whose shining moments as stand-out beauties clearly deserted them over a decade ago. The ones that I have to consciously tell myself not to appear shocked as I hug them “hello”, as their faces show weathering, tiredness and stress way beyond our 30-some years of age. “What happened to them?”, I find myself wondering. What happened to all of us? What is the deciding factor which determines whether we get better with age or not? Is it luck or conscience effort? Is it life circumstances or genetics? Do women have the potential to constantly and consistently improve with age, like wine? Or do we have an expiration date, like milk, that once passed, is irreversibly spoiled forever?
I have recently begun grappling with the phrase “aging gracefully”, trying desperately to understand what most women envision when stating their intent to do just this... I was recently stumped by a quote from actress Sarah Jessica Parker, a vocal critic of botox and plastic surgery, who said “I believe in aging gracefully - and of course, buying as many anti-aging creams as possible.” Huh? So, does SJP interpret “graceful” aging as purchasing anti-wrinkle creams that clearly aren’t delivering on their promise? Is this her knee-jerk, self-sacrificing protest to the over-done faces she sees around her? (To me, that makes as much sense as allowing oneself to become obese as a protest to the anorexic trend of body types in Hollywood.) When did “aging gracefully” come to mean a total and complete rejection of any methods of slowing the aging process, outside of over-priced, over-promising skin creams???
I guess my question is, “Where do we draw the line?” Is it possible for women to “age gracefully” with the aid of good, subtly executed cosmetic surgery? Or how about laser therapies, botox or chemical peels? I mean, if “aging gracefully” truly means embracing every last wrinkle, age spot and sagging jowl, then why even spend the money on ANY anti-aging products at all? Celebrate your wrinkles, like the rings on a great oak tree that tell the story of it’s owners life and years on the planet, right? And while we are at it, let’s celebrate the gray as well! Embrace your inner wise-woman and let the years of life shine through!!!
Not convinced yet? How ‘bout this...take a look at the recent pictures below of two former, world-famous screen sirens; Brigitte Bardot and Raquel Welch. Can you guess their age difference? No, they are not 20 years apart, as appearances would suggest...not even 10. Ms. Bardot (born in 1934) is a mere 6 years older then Ms. Welch (born in 1940). Now, which actress would you say is aging more “gracefully”???
I think what women are trying to imply when they talk about “aging gracefully” is actually a state-of-mind, rather then a physical reality (i.e. whether or not one accepts a little help from the medical community when it comes to staying youthful-looking.) The point of doing anything “gracefully”, aging or otherwise, is the WAY the act is carried out; subtly, delicately, without force or exaggeration. I believe that women who aspire to the ideal of “aging gracefully” embody the concept of compromise...receiving some subtle, expertly performed assistance from your doctor (or nurse!) when the time is right, with a chuckle of self-acceptance that you can’t put it all back to where it used to be when you were 21 (and who wants to anyway?) is a truer representation of graceful aging, then letting it all go without a fight, with the internal resignation that somehow “natural” = “superior”. Aging with grace and self-acceptance is a middle-of-the-road pathway that defines the mature, beautiful, sensual woman who has come into her own in her later years....She is done trying to be something she is not. She does it for herself, and no one else. She makes the best of what she has to work with, and that’s good enough for her. And because of it, all eyes are on her, and she knows it...in a good way.
The time we have on this planet is too short to beat ourselves up about whether or not we have approval or permission to do the things that help us feel better about ourselves. Human nature dictates our desire to appear aesthetically pleasing to those around us, and we shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed to pursue these needs in a careful and reasonable way. Enjoy what you have, laugh off what you don’t, and change what you are able to....gracefully.
Nurse Roni, RN, BSN
TheBadGirlofBotox.com
Pretty Girlz Med Spa, Beverly Hills